you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm both gender and math confused
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
