The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
