Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
