you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
