Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
