My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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