in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
