I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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