somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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