im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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