mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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