Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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