when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
