I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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