dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
