I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
