After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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