What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
