pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
