Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
