Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
