did you get engaged???
I just threw up on my dentist
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
