i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
