Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
