Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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