dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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