She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Randomize
