im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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