Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
