Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
