I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
