I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
