I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
