chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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