There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
