i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
