I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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