You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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