its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
