did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
