cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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