Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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