Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
