sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
