i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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