we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
