my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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