Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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