how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
