the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you will always have a special place in my vag
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
