I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
