She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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