I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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