guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
