I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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