Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
