I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
